This article details games and strategies that can engage children, teenagers and adults of all ages into meaningful conversations at your next family dinner.
Sit-down family dinners on a regular basis are a great way to connect with one another and have meaningful conversations. Depending on your season of life and the ages of any children or teens in the home, dinner conversations can look different but the opportunity for quality time and connection is always there. According to Anne Fishel, Executive Director of the Family Dinner Project, a nonprofit that helps families find their way back to the dinner table with fun, easy conversations and meals, only about 30% of families regularly eat dinner together, despite family mealtime being hugely beneficial for kids. Two of several reasons cited for this surprisingly low number include:
- Families are distracted by technology
- Teenagers seem to not to want to eat with their parents though this reason really flies in the face of research according to the Family Dinner Project. Teenagers rank family dinner pretty high on their list of things they like to do, and 80% of teenagers say that family dinner is the time of the day they’re most likely to talk to their parents.
Make your dinner table a safe space for each family member
As parents, it is our job to meet the basic need of providing our children with food each day. We also establish dinner table rules and model what respectful behavior looks like. Beyond that, we can’t control how our family members show up at the table, mood wise. Toddlers and teenagers may be grumpy or tired. A spouse might be quiet or stressed from the day. All feelings should be allowed at a family dinner table so that each of us can bring our authentic self. It is a time of connection free from the distractions of the outside world.
Set the boundary: No screens or technology of any kind allowed on or near the dinner table
No exceptions for the entire family. For many (myself included at times) the instant gratification of social media, texting and browsing is merely a habit. If we have the permission or time, access can be incredibly easy. Since adults set the rules for meals together, make this one an absolute and, explain why in case this rule is a departure from how things used to be at family meals. We can all make time for 20 minutes of focused connection.
Start with the Basics: Role Play How to Have a Conversation
This time of togetherness each night is a valuable opportunity to teach young kids how to actually have interesting conversations with each other. For example, I have explained to my 4- and 5-year-olds that if someone asks you a question such a as “How was your day” you can ask them the same question back. We typically role play to demonstrate. These quick lessons are a fun way to teach kids the art of a two-way conversations. If older kids or teens are also at the table, these lessons are good reminders for them as well.
If your dinner table is comprised of adults and very young children, it is possible that the children can’t yet participate in a family dinner conversation, at least with words. As they intently observe the world around them, model the social skills you want them to learn by leading conversation that is interesting, fun and engaging. They will know what to expect during this time from the youngest age. Below is list of dinner table games to engage the entire family.
Fun Conversation Starters for Young Children
Ask fun questions that involve physical interaction with the meal.
- Who has something green on their plate?
- Whose piece of asparagus is the tallest?
- Let’s all count the number of apple slices on our plate.
- Who has the smallest piece of broccoli?
In our house, we let the kids use their forks or hands to hold up the spotted item. This simple game is a double win because little kids get really excited, and it provides low pressure exposure to more foods on their plate. The kids never have to eat the item they hold up or count but often my girls will take a bite or even just smell the food.
Ask age appropriate and thought-provoking questions as simple as…
- What is your favorite color? Have structure to the game where the first person gives their answer and then the next person and then next.
- Who is your favorite *insert the name of a show or movie that the family recently watched together* character? Ex. Who is your favorite Bluey character?
- Which board or card game should we play for family game night?
- What is your favorite thing to do at school / Grandma’s house / the pool?
Tell short stories (imaginary or real)
Solid Starts is an incredible resource for encouraging babies and young kids to eat a broad range of foods starting at an early age. Part of their strategy is aimed at keeping kids at the table longer and the founder has shared that story telling is a powerful way to keep kids focused and physically sitting at the table.
An adult or older child can tell a short story, imaginary or real. My husband has incredible recall for all the things we learned in school so he might tell a story that explains why the sun stays up longer in the summertime. The kids typically chime in with a million questions. My kids particularly love imaginary stories that start with “once upon a time…” I will admit that I personally find storytelling to be a bit exhausting at mealtime BUT, just recently both of my girls have started to be the ones to tell stories to the rest of the group. It is so much fun to hear their ideas and creativity. My youngest will often retell (in her own words) the last story sometime else told, which is super cute!
Family Dinner Conversation Starters for Older Kids and Teens
If you have older kids or teenagers in your family, the below questions can feel light and easy. Go around the table and let each person answer, if they want to participate. Try to avoid forcing answers. Listening equals engagement and connection as well
- The ever popular “What was the best part of your day” is a great question in that it is open ended and avoids one-word answers. I think one-word answers are often the result of overwhelm to a question such as “how was school?” So much happened and it may be challenging to distill just one recalled memory. For older kids and teens, be open minded to however they choose to answer this question. Remember, we can only control our feeling and reactions, not those of others.
- Which teacher is your favorite at school right now? Tell us why.
- Name 1 food that each of your friends ate today at lunch.
- What is the best sport to play during PE?
- If you could be the teacher for the day, which subject would you teach?
Table topics
Get kids excited about the conversation by rotating who picks a “table topic.” Everyone at the table can provide their answer to the chosen table topic. Examples to get the ball rolling might include:
- What is your favorite holiday and why?
- If you could be any famous person, who would it be and why?
- Which season is your favorite and why?
- Where should we next go on vacation?
- If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?
Brainstorm vacation activity ideas
If you have an upcoming vacation, make a list of what you plan to do. We go to Wisconsin every summer and the whole family looks forward to it. We use family dinner time to make a list of what we want to accomplish in Wisconsin. This can be done multiple times as creative minds change and can come up with new ideas. Recent ideas for our upcoming trip include:
- Have donuts on the boat
- Swim in the lake with Pop Pop
- Get ice cream at Culvers
- Go for a bear spotting nature drive
- Go for a hike
- Birthday party for Tenley
- Play with our cousins
Make bucket lists
Asking for ideas in a particular category is a great conversation starter as one idea can build off another as you are generally brainstorming ideas for an exciting time in the future. Even the grumpiest goat in your group may chime in.
- Road trips we want to take as a family
- Things to do this summer
- Things to do this fall
- Christmas break activities
- New restaurants we want to try
You can even use a sticky note to write down each idea and then post them on a board. This fun game builds excitement for future activities together and get imaginations rolling. You can do this on a smaller scale too. If you have an upcoming outing to the zoo planned, have each kid shout out the animals they want to see.
Dinner together can become a predictable part of your family’s day. Even if everyone is not available for the meal and even if you are serving cereal for dinner, make it a habit to sit down together and create a connection. After what can feel like a long day for all, this is an opportunity for everyone to feel supported by their family members.
Related Article: Basic Etiquette and Manners Every Teen Should Know – Communicate Confidently
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