Basic Etiquette and Manners Every Teen Should Know

Hey teens! This article is your quick guide to basic etiquette and good manners to help build your own personal brand, outside of your parent’s umbrella.

If you’re a middle schooler or teenager, I’m guessing you’ve had your fair share of coaching, reminding, teaching and nagging when it comes to making a good impression and putting forth good manners. These gentle reminders, constructive criticism and positive reinforcements are meant to equip young people with strong life skills to thrive in a broad range of social situations.

Ideally, in your teen years you reach a tipping point where you don’t need to be reminded of etiquette rules (as often) and start to own your actions.  You become independently viewed as your own personal brand, out from beneath your parent’s umbrella.  My sister-in-law recently shared that she found her 20-year old son, Davis looking through drawers in their kitchen for thank you cards.  His friend at college has incredibly generous parents who like to spoil the boys with treats and meals out when they come to town.  Davis appreciates their hospitality and knew it was the right thing to do to send the family a thank you note.  His Mom didn’t tell him to do it.  He did it for himself because Davis wanted to demonstrate proper etiquette and take 10 minutes to show his appreciation.  I can guarantee his friend’s parents were blown away.   And, I would be remiss to not give my sister-in-law immense credit for providing years of encouragement and coaching to her son.  I am sure we can all relate to 1,000 reminders to “send Aunt Deb a thank you note for her thoughtful Christmas gift!”

Consider the below your cliffs notes of basic etiquette principles surrounding key topics. They apply to all kinds of situations and will make you stand out from your peers with just a little bit of effort.

Talking on the Phone Etiquette

• If a phone conversation in public places is necessary, try to keep it short and sweet and by all means, keep it QUIET.  I have pretty much banned myself from talking on my phone in public because I’m not capable of proper volume control.  I am aware of it and pretty much only will answer an absolutely necessary call.  Ask yourself this…could this phone conversation have been a quick text instead?
• Watch the (quiet) language.  You never know who is around you: little kids, impressionable youth, your neighbor.  Keep the conversation clean and profanity free. 
• Hang up the phone if you need to interact with another human, in any way.  Examples include: checking out at a store, ordering food at a drive-in, grabbing a quick coffee. This is about showing respect, on a human level, to the other individual.  Others’ feelings matter and you know that!  To drive this point home, let me give an example.  You are standing in line at Starbucks.  Ideally you are not talking on your phone while in this crowded public space but if you are, and if it is your time to order, tell your friend “Alright, I have to go.  Call you later.”  Easy.  Simple.  Respectful.

Texting and All Other Things Cell Phone

Your phone is a hub for texting, social media, entertainment, information and even work, But there is a time and a place. My strong recommendation is to totally put your phone away in any of these social situations.  Have a life balance between your device and the here and now.

• Meal out with a friend – just be present and enjoy your time together.
• Meal at your friend’s house.  If someone is providing you a meal at their home, absolutely be present and participate in the conversation as a two way street.
• Your own family’s dinner table.  Good etiquette starts at home. Show respect for your fellow family members and get in the habit of phone free meals.
• A restaurant of any kind, even quick service.
• Family party or other social events (of course it is ok to do a quick check of your phone if you are out for a long period of time but try to keep the device away).
• Driving (of course driver, but passenger too).

Good Table Manners

Ok, we covered the part about no cell phone or electronic devices of any kind at any table where a meal is being served.  What else do we need to remember for basic table manners?

• Pleases and thank you’s, of course.  I always tell my kids that our dinner table is the live learning lab and so we practice good behavior and basic manners at our own table.  
• Thank the cook for the meal.  So simple and so impactful.  “Thanks Mrs. Brown for dinner – it was really delicious.”
• Clear your plate and help with additional clean-up as well.  This one is situational but the extra help will usually make someone’s day.
• Participate in the conversation.  Part of becoming your own person, independent of your parents is that you want to show genuine interest in other people.  Is someone asks how your day way, ask them the same question back after you answer.  Feel free to initiate a general question of your own!
• Several of my teenagers nieces and nephews routinely ask me “How are the girls?” and I have to say, this is pretty rare based on my experience interacting with other young adults who are maybe more accustomed to just answering questions adults ask them.  The question means so much to me and shows a lot of maturity to have a two-way conversation.  The one-sided ones get really old, really fast.  

Job Interview

How do you make a good impression when interviewing for part-time jobs and ultimately get the job? 

• Your phone will be on silent, nowhere in sight…ideally in the car.
• Firm handshake (if appropriate for the situation) with direct eye contact.
• Use the person’s name.  This alone will set you apart from 99% of the competition.  It might feel weird the first time but using someone’s name regularly in conversation can quickly become second nature. “That’s a great question, Eric.  The reason I am interested in working at Chick-fil-a is…”
• Dress for success. You want to dress at least one level above (or equal if the place of employment is semi-formal such as a bank) what current employees wear.  If employees wear a uniform, try to avoid jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts, anything ripped or cropped. 

Eye Contact

• When we take the time to put our devices away, eye contact becomes easier because our distraction is gone.
• Strong eye contact is a powerful way to build a connection for existing relationships and especially when meeting new people. 
• Good eye contact + using a person’s name during a greeting and you will literally be the most well mannered kid at your high school.  
• Bonus content: Check out my Eye Contact While Presenting Video.

I believe in each and every one of you!  Teenage life can be hard and you are doing a good job.  I am here to extend a gentle reminder to send the thank you card, ask your Mom how her day is going and put the phone down next time you hit up Chipotle with your friends.  Not because your parents are telling you to do all this but because YOU want the world to view you as an upstanding human who is awesome to be around.